is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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