He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
