Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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