im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
