Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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