He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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