my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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