dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
