I just pynch a tree in the face
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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