Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
