Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
