RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
