awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
