I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
