I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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