saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
