I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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