Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
