Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
