you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
