What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Randomize
