A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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