I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
