Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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