watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The police scanner is talking about you again....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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