Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
