I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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