He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
