she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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