yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
