omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
