The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
