You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
