I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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