You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
