If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
