Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize