she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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