Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
