Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
