This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
