You just made me feel so damn special
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
