i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
