I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
