She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
