M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
