Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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