so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
