i already hear my dad disowning me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
