if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize