this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
