it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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