people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
No subtext here. People are naked.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
