I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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