No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
