I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
