So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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