you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
