Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
