Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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