Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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