I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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