roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
