sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
