im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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