Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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