I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
